Blackday

yawn...ain't getting much sleep lately. Had only about 5 hours of sleep per day for the past week. Never really felt this tired before, even when i was a trainee. Being DS for one whole week sure drained the life out of me. Worst still, its one week of tough training for the man, and one hell of a stressful start for the commanders.Yet, despite all the backpain and tired bones, I must say that the past week was extremely meaningful in terms of learning.Just like when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. When the training gets tough and the man gets tired, command and leadership becomes a challenge.
Spent the entire day sleeping. Used to see this as a total waste of time and life, but somehow I just allowed myself to let loose and relax all i can and for all i care....i must admit sleeping only makes one more tired...as i am now. Watched finding neverland and found some meaning in the movie. Maybe I am really tired, thats why i slept through some parts. Well...afterall its a movie for entertainment, nothing much gotten out of it. Unlike the past 2 movies i watch which were...beyond greatness.
And so I thought back about how the week started. Wacking the man on monday afternoon. Being shouted back at. Issuing the man one times great challenged. While they challenged my decision, I gave in an counter challenged their mindset. And guess what? I won. Probably set them in a mood to see that i am a very different kind of commander. Some ego here but thats not the intention.

"I know some of you are unhappy. We will talk about it later. Man to man."

~Silence~

And then there was all the section drills, when the man began to understand what AI is all about. The camo drill, the assualt techniques, the prep for ops. And i saw myself as one of them, not too long ago. Learning the very same thing i am teaching them now. And it makes me wonder. Progress? Something to think about. Going through the same shit they are going through and i mean every single form of shit. I hope they appreciate it and see it as a form of leadership with sensitivity rather then something expected of us.

"Sgt. Why you so garang. I buay gan. Why why sob.."

Haha

So much so much to share. Bits and pieces of my everyday life. Talking about all this small things get people connected with each other in heart. And now i am talking to someone i valued. Whom i once shared my life with. Yet, I am unwilling to open up. Unwilling to talk about my life. Trying to keep the distance. For what purpose? I do not know too. But somehow i don't feel comfortable otherwise. Afraid of disappointment maybe? In a deep sense yes. Its hard to express and even harder to comprehend. Will I regret if this bond breaks someday?